Hold up! WEIGHT a Minute!

So, for the last few months, I’ve been trying to live a healthier lifestyle, shed some pounds and you know just get it together! Ya’ girl finally reached the point of no return! Ya’ll, I had hit…waaaait for it…350 POUNDSSS-UH!! You heard right! Three-FIDDY. Ok, you can pick up your jaw now. Don’t be rude! Seriously though, I realized, not only the number, but just how I felt overall was not in alignment with who I am and who I’m working to become.

What do I mean? Well, as I really dug deep into the reason behind the hold up on most of the dreams, visions, ideas, plans, goals, activities, chile EVERYTHING and most things, even in my everyday life, I realized it pointed back to my weight. As I started mapping out certain thought processes, habits, “personality traits”, etc, I was able to, through OBJECTIVELY reflecting, see through the lens of Truth on some things.

I realized that, somewhere along the line, even subconsciously at times, my weight had started affecting my decision making and my life perceptions. Basic example. There were places or activities that I would decline because I would consider the weight limitations. Even some of the mental issues I struggled with were due to imaginations I created from a place of self consciousness that developed as a child. Seeds that were planted through bullying or even my parents.

Here’s the thing. I finally looked deeper into this weight thing; through lenses of Truth. Of course I could scream all day that, “Theee Almighty Elohim created and formed me in my mother’s womb and I’m amazing just the way-I- am!” There’s some truth to that. But at some point the physical, tangible weight…and rolls (smh) became “the weight, and sin that so easily entangles” me.

I hear you, I hear you. It’s not that deep.  But what if it is? We don’t hit on weight, obesity, gluttony, overeating and so forth much because we’re too busy bashing the “obvious” sins. While Holy Spirit is living inside of us just hot, miserable and stuffed but “at least I’m not a thief!” and “My shout is cute! Ay-shondo!” *eyeroll*

Sat.Down.Some.Where…Well actually, it’s time to stand up somewhere and take a walk, jog or at least skip into some sort of effort to do better with these Temple’s ya’ll! (Body=Temple) Key word effort. We put the effort in, submit this health process to God, then He helps us along the way. I’m a firm believer in this Supernatural life we’re living! It applies to EVERY area…THAT YOU SUBMIT at least.

Why is it that Holy Spirit is our Helper when it comes to fornication but we don’t believe He can, is willing, and is MORE THEN ABLE to help in this area? Why is it we’ll scream, “Lawwwd, help me stop being a liar, a cheater a deceiver, heart breaker…”(thanks Prolyfe), but we won’t let Him in, when it’s time to fight that emotional eating demon? Could it be that we CHOOSE to compartmentalize our submission into categories.

He came that we would have life, and life MORE ABUNDANTLY. You know, over and above. More than necessary (not in pounds). EXTRAORDINARY! If I’m not hydrated, feeding my body the nutrients its needs to RUN efficiently, getting in shape to the best of my ability…how extraordinary can my life really be, if I’m aching, can’t breathe, or dead? If my physicality is robbing me of my destiny, the line has been crossed. Not to be extra but this thing hit me. This is about overall health not just weight. TODAY. Today, we all start taking small steps towards being better stewards over these earthen VESSELS.

Step 1: Submit the process to be the best you, including physically, to God.

Step 2: Have a glass of water. You’re thirsty.

Love ya’ll.


woman holding mirror

Photo by Louis on Pexels.com

A wise man once said, “Love: a word that comes and goes, but few people really know, what it means to really, love some-YOURSELF!” I kid, I kid! You were singing along though, huh? And yes. I know that’s not exactly how the song goes, but that’s how it should go. I would venture to say that few people really know what it means to love somebody else because few people know how to truly love themselves. Jesus Himself said that the second greatest commandment after loving God with all our heart, soul, and mind is loving our neighbor as our self.

Well, my love (pun intended), if the way you love yourself is skewed, how can you dish it out correctly? I know what you’re saying. “Nah girl! I looove me some ME! Ayyyye!! You got me twisted, sis!” And yet, here it is another year repeating another unhealthy or dysfunctional cycle. These cycles are an assault against, YOU. YOURSELF. That ain’t love. “What you mean cycle?! I’m good, boo!”

Uh huh. I hear you but, didn’t you say “last time” that this would be the “last time” you end up in the same predicament? Didn’t you say, “I’m for real this time!” last year when you did another fresh start? Didn’t you promise yourself you would truly take the necessary steps to see real change in your life going forward? Just because it’s YOU that you’re neglecting or lying to doesn’t make it any better. In fact it’s worse. Hanging on to toxic habits, relationships, friendships, adding stress to your physical body by not taking care of it, not making your mental and spiritual health a priority-all scream, “I haven’t truly been loving me for real.”

The action behind love is patience, kindness, lack of envy, not boastful, no pride or rudeness, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It doesn’t delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. We barely make it past patience because we won’t allow our journey through life to process us. We just don’t have the time! It’s too late and we’re getting too old! Time waits for no one! *eyeroll* We beat ourselves up with every record of wrong we’ve kept since sixth grade instead of showing kindness and receiving the gift of grace.

This is not condemnation but a call for you to be real…with you. Decide to stop lying to yourself because your fruit just ain’t matching up! True self love looks different and has different outcomes. You will know a tree by it’s fruit. Or, since we started off singing, let’s end it off with a hymn from the prophetess’ Brownstone. Next time you look in the mirror, sing to yourself:

I want a love that is based on TRUTH not just dare…

If you love me, say it
If you trust me, do it
If you want me, show it
If you need me, prove it.
SINCE I love me…I’ll do some things differently.




Today was one of those days when you feel completely not put together. Bad hair day, edges ain’t laid, hormonal breakouts, eyes itchy/puffy from being sick so no contacts, “nothing to wear”, just ALL WRONG. But then, I had the nerve…to have my fupa on display today too ya’ll! Who do I think I am! I’ve never “been able to” tuck in my shirt. I mean, “don’t nobody wanna see all that!” Right??

At least that’s what I’ve old myself about my fupa and countless other things due to my own personal insecurities. I mean, to be quite honest, most things I harp over in my mind and worry what people will think are truly imaginary. Nobody has actually SAID anything to me about most of them. AND IF THEY HAD, WHO CARES?!! Clearly I do, huh?LOL But the point is, I SHOULDN’T! AND YOUUU SHOULDN’T either!

Today is the first day of September. The last segment of the year has begun. The ninth month. Four months left. 17 weeks. 120 days. 2880 hours. And, you guessed it, SIKE! HA! You thought I was going there, huh? Well, I was but you know, the minutes and seconds didn’t have the effect I was looking for so I figured I’d….nevermind. The POINT is that I.will.NOT. spend another second worried about fupas showing or any other useless thing that keeps me from living my life to the fullest!

I know you’re asking, “How in the world did we get here from a fupa?” The thing is, it represents all the little nagging, insignificant things that we feel the need to consult before making a move that we truly desire to make. Your fupa, and mine too for that matter, may be fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of MERE men, fear of mistakes, fear of progression. It may be shame. It may be guilt or regret. It may be anxiety, insecurity, or you name it! What is that thing that you may not have even realized until this very moment, that you consult (take counsel from, call on) before decisions?
The thing about a consultant is that they should have some expertise or wisdom in the specific area of consultation. I can’t consult fear about my life. It will lead me to a shadowy place and feed me lies and produce anxiety! I must consult with TRUTH every single time I have questions or need to make MOVES in my life…major or minor. This seems insignificant, but if I consulted the Truth of the matter when I previously wanted to wear something in which my fupa would be exposed, I would have gotten advice like: Who cares what others think or say? “For if I were still pleasing men, I would not be a servant of Christ…” (Gal 1:10) I like this skirt so I’m going to wear it. I have a fupa but it doesn’t define me. “I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that FULL well.” (Ps. 139:14) Believe that!
I’ve decided, starting today, that I can’t be bothered with the foolishness I consulted before. I’m turning over a new leaf today, just in time for fall. Get it? Ha! Comment some of the things that have been holding you back that you’re standing up to from now on!! It’s a new season, and it’s time! We’re ready!

Action Not Required

action req

You know the saying about how working is so…wait, no. Ok so, you know how sometimes when you get to work and…hmm…nah that won’t work either. You know what? Nevermind. I thought I’d try to come up with a clever and “bloggy-like” (yep!) way to say that work was super busy today and I almost pulled my hair out. Then, segway into a deep anecdote and end with a “having employment is a blessing!” speech and “The end.” type of thing. Clearly, that’s not working so since we’re family, and we’re here now, let’s just cut to the chase. *shrugs*

So, I was sitting at my work desk taking an abundance of calls due to our east coast office being closed because of a snowstorm. On each of our calls, we create cases to send to local divisions across the nation. Many of our cases are created and left incomplete with the status of “action required.” I’ve developed this habit, during my time working with the company, of documenting different case numbers on a notepad that I want to check on further down the line to see what ended up happening. It’s almost become an obsession.

You may be wondering what the big deal is with that. Well, typically, we are not responsible for following up on these cases. The idea is that we are the initial point of contact, we create a case outlining the need in detail, and the case is then sent where it needs to go with the expectation that a resolution will follow upon arrival. My obsession is the resolution. I speak with these customers regarding different issues, build rapport, and get slightly invested during the conversation. Once I send over the case for a resolution, I find myself feeling the urge to follow it to completion. I mean, I started it and I want to know how it was resolved. 

And so my desktop sticky note remains loaded with various numbers that I itch to return to daily and just…see what happened. I was adding another case number to my list when I heard God say, “And now you understand.” My mind was then flooded with thoughts of different scenarios throughout my life past and present and, “He who has begun a good work in you will complete it…” began to replay. He went on to express how much more it must mean to Him that He sees the GOOD work that He begins in each and every one of us to completion.

As much as I long to see what I start at work end successfully, as much as I can’t help but write down my cases to follow up, even though I have no requirement whatsoever to do so (insert praise), HOW MUCH MORE DOES IT MEAN TO HIM to do the same for us? His special cases? And we’re not even going to get on the fact that He even sees fit to begin a good work in US (unworthy) but goes a step further and promises to perfect and work it to completion until Jesus’ return? Talk about dedication! My. God! Great is your faithfulness! Listen love, be CONVINCED and confident of this one thing if nothing else. He will never leave His work pending in “action required.” (Philippians 1:6)

Case closed. 



Sicily, 2018. Ya’ girl insecurity struts into the room. Dope outfit. Bundles on fleek. Proudly strolling like she was invited to the party as the guest of honor. But the jokes.on.her. 

AMBUSH! *insert evil laugh*

Ambushing is one of the major strategies of war. It’s a surprise attack designed to catch the adversary off guard. How does this floozy Insecurity fit in, you ask? Because she will not be expecting it. Why? For the longest, she’s walked around switching her hips thinking she runs the place and…well…she did for awhile right? I mean, none of us really wanted to be her friend. It just…happened. It’s the friendship you really know has run it’s course and you’ve completely outgrown but can’t completely shake. And it’s been so long that now you’re in even deeper because the circle has grown.

Over time, she invited other friends that really weren’t your cup of tea either like Fear, Shame, and nappy-headed Inadequacy. I mean the crew wasn’t even all that dope but you settled and accepted it for so long that it just became…normal. “How in the world do I even part with this reckless crew even though I know that they’re reckless, and have recked me, and that recklessness should be enough to simply bounce but…I kind of…wait. Maybe I do fit in here. Or…maybe I’m just very comfortable. I mean, they accept me and honestly, have always been there, right?” HOL’UP! (Screeching tires right about…here!)

This my friends is the point where I decided to butt in! See, I was asked to clarify the purpose behind my blog after my initial post. And, honestly, this was actually a consideration of mine when I decided to create it. There was some concern that my title could come across as glorifying insecurity. Chile, please! By no means! However, if being transparent about different struggles and exposing those bad boys is considered glory then GLORAY, HALLELU!

The underlying goal is to get to know the innermost parts of those things that plague us. Where they come from, why they’re here…their purpose. What makes them flourish? Then, ultimately, how to destroy them! How can we declare war on our enemies without first knowing them and their tactics fully? And we must also know ourselves and the weaknesses within us that could cause us to sabotage the war.

One of the most important steps in an ambush is clear predetermination of the adversary. We need to establish a clear understanding of who we are fighting so that when we wage war, we WIN! Well, actually, we always win. “But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” 1 Corinthians 15:57. Anyhoo, you get my drift. Apart of the definition of predetermine, when predetermining our target, is to predestine an outcome of a course of events. Things were predestined for us from the very beginning. It is still our responsibility, however, to position ourselves for ease of war. We are not always in a position to ambush, but if I know my target, I can control the impact of any backlash. 

So, I want to leave us with a challenge. No, that was not a typo. Our challenge is to establish the target. Who/what is it in your life that needs to be ambushed? I mean completely caught off guard because they were.not.ready for what’s about to knock them upside the head! No longer peeking and sneaking around the corner anticipating or avoiding, but setting up for the ambush! Get a journal and get ready to reflect because there’s more to come! 

Talk to ya’ soon,


Insecure…Now What?

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way. What’s next? Besides a severe over usage of ellipses while stating the obvious? Oh nothing. Except, Im on a journey. A journey to fully embrace me. To fully embrace me. To fully embrace me. Wait. Like… fully or fully? (Don’t back down now!) YES. FULLY. 

You see, I’ve decided to start with those thing’s that we could deem more obvious. All the things that everyone notices…ok maybe just me. But eventually, I’ll be facing all the things that plague me. Internally. The things that have followed and stuck to me so long. Kind of like that irking piece of chewed up gum that sticks to the bottom of your shoe. And if it’s tough enough, like Bubblelicious maybe, keeps you stuck in one place. Yep. I think I’ll start with the obvious things. Then we dig.




Into the heart. 




Into the mind. 




Into the pain…past and present.

DIG, as in breaking up, digging or moving earth with a plow or machine. Or with hands. Or paws. A snout. Whatever the tool is, the key is to dig. To work at it. And my tool of choice is…transparency. You see, most of my (and your) insecurities and issues are rooted in fear. Fear of everything, and everybody, real or imagined. *insert eye roll and head shake* When we highlight, reveal, and face these things head on, we’re able to see past the perceived threat. At this point, the irrationality becomes crystal clear. And we see the world in a different light and fear for what it really is (which we’ll dive into later, trust me.)

So, for some ridiculous reason, I’ve decided to share the journey with you. Actually, the reason isn’t so outlandish. See, I recognize that there are quite a few others who deal with some of the things I’ll make reference to. I’ll put myself out on a limb…as long as you come along and overcome with me. We’ll do this together, ok? *insert pinky swear*